100+ Mattress Jokes & Puns: Sleep Tight!
Hey there, sleep enthusiasts and lovers of laughter! π Get ready to hit the hay with the best mattress jokes and puns this side of the bedpost! ποΈ We’ve got a list of funny and clever quips that are perfect for kids and adults alike. So, whether you’re a fan of puns or just looking for some hilarious humor to share, get ready for some serious giggling. You won’t want to sleep on these jokes! π
Top Mattress Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the mattress get a promotion at work? It was always outstanding in its field!
- What did the mattress say to the sleepy girl? Spring into bed, I’ve been expecting you!
- I tried to explain to my mattress that we needed to have some space… It didn’t go down well.
- What’s a mattress’s favorite position? Anything that doesnβt involve a springboard!
- My friend tried to convince me that he has the most supportive mattress in the world. I told him to quit lying.
- My mattress is constantly covered in crumbs and hair, even right after I clean it. Guess Iβve got myself a real crumb-magnet!
- Why is my bank account always so empty after I buy a new mattress? They always seem to break the bank!
- What do you get when you combine a mattress and a detective? Undercover support!
- My mattress told me a secret last night… But I promised I wouldn’t spill the beans.
- You know you need a new mattress when… You can feel the springs more than your partner!
- Why did the mattress blush? It just had a spring cleaning!
- What’s the most important thing when choosing a mattress for twins? Making sure there’s no divide in the middle!
- I just bought a talking mattress… It said, “I think we’re going to get along just fine.”
- Never trust atoms… They make up everything, even your mattress!

Clever Mattress Puns – Best Picks
- Why did the mattress win an award? It was outstanding in its field! π
- I tried to make a mattress out of pizza dough. Turns out, it was too much of a rising star! πβ¨
- What did the mattress say to the sleepyhead? “I can spring you into a good mood!” π
- My friend started a mattress delivery service. He’s really putting people to bed! ππ΄
- I told the mattress salesman I wanted something firm but comfortable. He said, “Don’t worry, Iβve got you covered!” π€
- This mattress is so comfortable, it’s unreal. I think I’m dreaming! π
- What does a mattress do when it gets married? It goes on a honey-moon! π
- Why is the mattress always invited to parties? It’s great at breaking the ice!π§π
- I’m starting to think my mattress is a comedian. It always cracks me up! π
- What’s a mattress’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat! πΆ
- My mattress is so comfortable, it’s like sleeping on a cloud. The only problem is, I keep drifting off! βοΈ
- I got a great deal on my mattress. It was a real steal! Though, I guess technically it’s a lye… π€«
- Whatβs a ghostβs favorite mattress brand? Spook & Tell! π»ποΈ
- My mattress is so old, it’s practically prehistoric! I think I saw a dinosaur bone under thereβ¦ π¦π¦΄
- Don’t tell anyone, but I think my mattress is plotting something. Every night, it looks like it’s up to something! π€
Funny Mattress One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Mattress Jokes
- I tried to explain to my mattress that we needed some space, but it just wouldn’t spring back.
- My friend said his memory foam mattress changed his life. Now he can finally sleep like a log… that remembers everything.
- What do you call a mattress that’s always getting into trouble? A spring chicken!
- My mattress is so comfortable; it’s like sleeping on a cloud… a cloud that snores really loudly.
- I flipped my mattress today. I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious between us.
- Just bought a waterbed with a built-in current. Now I can sleep with the fishes without getting wet.
- My therapist suggested I talk to my mattress about my problems. Turns out, it’s had its fill of my sleep-talking.
- Life is like a mattress: if you don’t have a good spring, you won’t get very far.
- I saw a mattress walking down the street today. I guess you could say it was taking a sleepwalk!
- Why did the mattress get a job at the recycling plant? It was always good at springing back into shape!
- My bank account is like a cheap mattress: constantly under pressure and never quite comfortable.
- What do you get if you cross a sheep and a mattress? A baa-d night’s sleep!
- My chiropractor told me to get a new mattress. He said my spine was starting to feel the pressure. I told him, “The pressure is getting to me, too!”
- I wanted to buy a camouflage mattress, but I couldnβt see it in the store.
- Why don’t they make mattresses out of Velcro? They’d be too sheet grabbing.
Mattress QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Mattress
- Q: Why did the mattress feel so confident? A: It always had its sheet together.
- Q: What’s a mattress’s favorite dance? A: The sleep-jitterbug!
- Q: Why did the mattress get a job at the hotel? A: It really knew how to accommodate guests.
- Q: What did the mattress say to the sleepy child? A: “Don’t worry, I got you covered.”
- Q: Why was the mattress feeling down in the dumps? A: It had a bad case of the spring blues.
- Q: Why don’t mattresses ever win arguments? A: They always take things lying down.
- Q: What kind of music do mattresses listen to? A: Anything with a good beat… and a soft melody.
- Q: Where do mattresses go on vacation? A: The Sleep Inn, of course!
- Q: How do you make a mattress laugh? A: Tickle its funny bone… or should I say, coil spring?
- Q: What’s a mattress’s favorite game show? A: Price is Right! (Because they’re always on sale somewhere).
- Q: What did the mattress say to the alarm clock? A: “Just give me five more minutes… and then maybe another 59.”
- Q: Why are mattresses such good listeners? A: They’re always willing to lend an ear… or rather, a whole surface.
- Q: What do you call a mattress that’s really good at its job? A: A dream weaver.
- Q: How can you tell a mattress is feeling stressed? A: It starts having coil-mares!
Dad Jokes About Mattress: Pun-Filled Quips
- Why did the mattress get a promotion at work? It was always springing into action!
- I tried to make a mattress out of leaves once. Turned out to be a ruff night’s sleep!
- You know, I used to be a mattress salesman. I was lying in bed about it on my resume.
- My wife asked me if I’d flipped the mattress yet. I told her, “Of course I did! I’m not made of memory foam!”
- What’s a mattress’s favorite dance move? The box spring!
- I saw a mattress on the side of the road with a sign that said “Free.” What a rip off!
- My son wanted a race-car bed, but I told him it was too expensive. So we compromised and just got him a regular bed with a mattress fast enough.
- I think my mattress is spying on me. It’s always collecting intelli-coils!
- My wife asked if we could get a waterbed. I told her they were too high-dro-lic for me!
- What do you get if you cross a mattress with a detective? Sherlock Hommes!
- I accidentally bought a camouflage-patterned mattress online… When it arrived, I couldn’t even see it!
- You seem stressed. Go lay down on your mattress β letβs tackle this tomorrow.
Mattress Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the mattress giggle? Because it was full of spring-les!
- What does a mattress wear to a slumber party? Pjs and sheet mask!
- What did the little mattress say to the big mattress? Hey there, wanna bounce some dreams around?
- Where do sheep go to buy a new bed? A baa-zaar!
- Why was the bed always so tired? It suffered from insomnia-nia!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Mattress. Mattress who? Mattress-ing you is all I want to do, so I can sleep peacefully!
- What’s a sheep’s favorite music to fall asleep to? Anything relaxing and baa-roque.
- My mattress is so comfy, it’s like sleeping on a cloud… Except clouds rain, and my mattress just gives me sweet dreams!
- Never trust a mattress that’s always moving. It’s up to something shady!
- Why did the mattress get a job at the library? It was great at holding stories!
- What’s a mattress’s favorite game to play online? Fornite-ress!
- You know you need a new mattress when… It starts giving you bed-time stories just to keep you!
- My dad told me to jump on the mattress to get all the bad dreams out… Now my room’s full of feathers and sheep are at my window asking for their wool back!
Mattress Jokes and Puns for Elders
- My doctor told me my new mattress would add years to my life. I told him, “I know, itβs been killing me to pay for it!”
- I bought a memory foam mattress for better sleep. Turns out, it remembers all the times I wet the bed as a child.
- My wife and I were debating what to get on our new king-size mattress. I voted for a queen, she countered with a hand of bridge.
- They say you spend a third of your life in bed. The other two thirds are spent trying to remember what you did in that first third.
- Heard about the mattress salesman who got fired? Turns out, his sales pitch fell flat.
- My wife wanted a waterbed. I told her they were too dangerous at our age. You know, all that thrashing around⦠someone could drown!
- Why did the elderly couple get a new mattress after winning the lottery? They were finally ready to spring for a good nightβs sleep!
- I used to toss and turn all night. Now I just lie awake and groan.
- I’m at that age where “getting lucky” means I found my glasses without having to turn on the lights.
- My therapist suggested I try sleeping on a mattress stuffed with my problems. Itβs working great, except now I canβt close the door.
- They say a good mattress is the key to a happy marriage. Turns out, so is separate bedrooms.
- Went to a mattress store with adjustable firmness. Realized I already had oneβ¦ itβs called my wife.
- At our age, “Netflix and chill” means falling asleep halfway through the opening credits.
- Whatβs the difference between a good nightβs sleep and your spouse snoring? One is a dream come true, the otherβ¦ a nightmare in progress.
- My grandson asked me why we have a king-size bed when there’s only two of us. I told him, βDarling, sometimes a king needs his space to escape the queen’s snoring!β
Mattress Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- My old mattress and I have such a love-hate relationship. I love sleeping on it, it hates waking up with me. π©π΄ #MattressLife #RelatableContent
- You know you need a new mattress when you wake up feeling sprung… and not in the good way. π΄π΅ #TimeForAnUpgrade #SleepBetter
- I tried to explain to my mattress that we had to break up… it just wouldn’t hear me. Said I was being too hard on it. πποΈ #RelationshipGoals #Punny
- My therapist told me to invest in my dreams. Guess I better buy a new mattress! π€π΄ #SelfCare #TreatYourself
- Don’t be scared of a challenging day. Remember, your mattress will always support you. πͺποΈ #MotivationalMonday #MattressWisdom
- My mattress is so comfortable, it’s like sleeping on a cloud. A very heavy, immobile cloud. βοΈποΈ #FirstWorldProblems #ComfyThough
- I told my mattress all my secrets. Hope it doesn’t spring a leak! π€«ποΈ #TrustIssues #MattressConfessions
- I’m so tired, I could sleep on a bed of nails… wait, nevermind, that’s just my current mattress. π©π« #NeedASleepUpgrade #Help
- Life is too short to sleep on a bad mattress. Also, too long, if you have a bad mattress. π€π΄ #DeepThoughts #GetSomeSleep
Sleep Tight, Don’t Let the Bedbugs Pun!
We hope these mattress jokes and puns didnβt put you to sleep! If you managed to stay awake through all that humor, we have good news: thereβs plenty more where that came from. Explore our website for a truly restful amount of puns and jokes. You might even say our humor is…like a comfortable mattress for your funny bone.