106+ Twilight Puns & Jokes: You’re Gonna Sparkle at These!

Gather ’round, Twihards, because you’ve stumbled upon the best list of Twilight puns this side of Forks, Washington! πŸ˜‚ Get ready for a healthy dose of humor as we sink our teeth into some seriously funny (and maybe a little cheesy) jokes about everyone’s favorite sparkly vampires and brooding werewolves. πŸ˜‰ This list has something for everyone, kids included, so buckle up for some clever puns and get ready to laugh! πŸŽ‰

Top Twilight Jokes – Best Picks

  1. Why don’t vampires like watching movies in theaters? Because they get too caught up in the “Twilight” showings.
  2. What’s the difference between Edward Cullen and a calendar? A calendar has interesting dates.
  3. Why did Bella fall in love with Edward? He was her type… O Negative.
  4. How do you make a vampire float? Two scoops of ice cream, some root beer and a sparkly vampire.
  5. I saw a sign outside a blood bank that said, “Edward Cullen Donation Center.” I thought, “That’s pretty vain, even for a vampire.”
  6. What’s it called when a werewolf gets a bad grade? A howling ‘F’.
  7. Why is Edward such a bad gardener? He keeps getting his plants mixed up with the family tree.
  8. How long does it take a vampire to change a lightbulb? Never, they sparkle in the dark!
  9. Why don’t vampires play poker in the woods? Too many stakes.
  10. Jacob tried to sell me a used car at sunset. I told him, “Sorry, I don’t buy anything at twilight.”
  11. What did the vegetarian vampire say? “No, I’ll have the salad. It’s to dye for!”
  12. Why did Bella choose Edward over Jacob? She liked her men cold-blooded and her dogs warm and fuzzy.
  13. I’m writing a book about a vampire pizza chef. It’s a real page-turner. He kneads to feed!
  14. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A bloody orange!
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Clever Twilight Puns – Best Picks

  1. What did Bella say to Edward when she couldn’t find her car keys? “This twilight hour is really turning into a parking lot of trouble!”
  2. Why did Edward become a vegetarian? He couldn’t stand the thought of steak-ing out in the twilight for his next meal.
  3. What’s the difference between Edward and a broken refrigerator? Eventually, the refrigerator’s light will come on at twilight.
  4. What’s Edward Cullen’s favorite soft drink? Fizzy Twilight.
  5. Did you hear about the vampire who flunked out of math class? He couldn’t divide his twilight hours effectively.
  6. I tried to explain Twilight to my friend who’s obsessed with solar panels, but he just didn’t get it… I guess you could say he’s not into low-light situations.
  7. What’s a vampire’s favorite fish? A twilight snapper.
  8. Why did Edward invite Bella to biology class? He wanted to show her a cell-ebration under the twilight sky.
  9. How does a vampire start a campfire? With a twilight-er fluid, of course.
  10. Why don’t vampires play hide and seek in the Twilight? Because they’re always the last ones to be found.
  11. I used to be obsessed with Twilight, but then it dawned on me…
  12. What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play? Measure for Twilight.
  13. What did the ocean say to the vampire at sunset? Nothing, it just waved. But the twilight was stunning!
  14. Vampires really know how to make an entrance… They always arrive in style, right on twilight.
  15. My friend said she was writing a Twilight sequel, but I was skeptical… It turns out, she really was pulling my leg!
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Funny Twilight One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Twilight Jokes

  1. I tried to explain twilight to a vampire, but he just didn’t get itβ€”said it was a gray area.
  2. Dating a vampire is intense. Sunset is the most romantic time of day, but after a while, twilight just feels like the same old thing.
  3. Vampires are terrible poker players. Their tell is when they say, “This game is getting a little twilight…”
  4. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Personally, I’m Team “Get Some More Lighting, This Forest Is Creepy.”
  5. Tried to make a twilight-themed cocktail, but I think I added a little too much “sparkle.”
  6. You know you’ve watched too much Twilight when you start considering a werewolf for home security.
  7. My sleep schedule is more messed up than a vampire’s in twilight.
  8. What do you call a vampire who’s always late? Always twilight.
  9. Forks, Washington: Come for the vampires, stay because you can’t see where you’re going in the perpetual twilight.
  10. My therapist told me to embrace the twilight years, so I bought a vampire costume.
  11. My retirement plan? Move to Forks, write a Twilight parody called “Midlife Crisis,” and make millions.
  12. Twilight taught me one thing: True love is finding someone who likes you even when you sparkle awkwardly in the sun.
  13. I started watching Twilight ironically, but now I’m emotionally invested in a teenage love triangle with a sparkly vampire. Help.
  14. They say youth is wasted on the young. Vampires: “Hold my blood-infused beverage.”

Twilight QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Twilight

  1. Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite time to play baseball? A: Twi-nine, of course!
  2. Q: Why did Bella break up with the broom? A: She was looking for a more stable relationship, and he was always sweeping her off her feet!
  3. Q: What did Edward say to Bella when she asked him to move in with her? A: “Let’s not rush into things. We need to see if this relationship has legs…or fangs.”
  4. Q: What’s the one thing Edward Cullen and a baker have in common? A: They both knead to watch the yeast rise!
  5. Q: Why did the vampire fail his history test? A: He couldn’t remember the Dark Ages…they were too light for him!
  6. Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A: A blood orange!
  7. Q: Why did the vampire cross the road? A: To get to the blood bank – he heard it was open vein-til midnight!
  8. Q: What do you call a vampire with a sunburn? A: A crisp!
  9. Q: What did the Cullen family say when they bought a new car? A: “It costs a lot, but we’ll pay it… in installments.”
  10. Q: Why don’t vampires like telling secrets in a cornfield? A: Too many ears!
  11. Q: How did Edward know Bella was the one for him? A: It was love at first bite!
  12. Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? A: Anything by The Bleeding Heart Club Band.
  13. Q: What’s it called when a vampire wins at bowling? A: A spare change of clothes!
  14. Q: Why did Bella choose Edward over Jacob? A: She was tired of hairy situations!
  15. Q: Why are vampires such bad poets? A: Their writing is always too vein!
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Dad Jokes About Twilight: Pun-Filled Quips

  1. Did you hear about the vampire who failed his history exam? He couldn’t remember the twilight ages.
  2. You know, I used to love watching the sunset every night. Now it’s just too twilight for my tastes.
  3. My wife got angry when I said I preferred Bella to Edward. I guess you could say it caused some twilight in our relationship.
  4. A vampire walks into a bar and asks for a pint of plasma. The bartender says, “Okay, but don’t start anything twilight.”
  5. What do you call a group of sparkly vampires who start a band? Twilight Noise.
  6. I saw a vampire bat reading a book on philosophy. I guess he was trying to understand the twilight zone between good and evil.
  7. Why don’t vampires like fast food restaurants? They prefer their meals with a side of twilight.
  8. My son asked me what my least favorite time of day is. I told him without a doubt, it’s twilight. It just goes on foreveeeerr.
  9. I used to think vampires were real… turns out it was just the twilight playing tricks on me.
  10. Edward and Bella broke up? Wow, I didn’t think their love could ever dim.
  11. I tried to write a vampire novel, but I couldn’t think of a good ending. I guess you could say I left it a little…twilight.
  12. My teenage daughter is obsessed with Twilight. I’m not surprised. It’s a very moving story. Get it? ‘Cause they sparkle… nevermind.
  13. You know what’s really light reading? The Twilight Saga. I mean, it practically reads itself.

Twilight Jokes and Puns for Kids

  1. Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite time to eat a snack? A: Snacklight!
  2. Q: Why did the vampire get lost in the woods? A: He couldn’t find his way home until Twilight!
  3. Q: What do you call a sparkly vampire who thinks he’s a comedian? A: A Twight-mare!
  4. Q: What did the little vampire say to his mom when the sun was setting? A: It’s Twilight, can I go out and bat now?
  5. Q: Why did the vampire bring a flashlight? A: He liked to read in the twilight!
  6. Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A: A blood orange… especially at Twilight!
  7. Q: What did the werewolf say to the vampire during a sunset picnic? A: “Hey, wanna split this Twilight pizza?”
  8. Q: What happens when a vampire wins a race at sunset? A: They get a “Twilight” Trophy!
  9. That vampire story was so funny, it really had me in stitches… twilight!
  10. That vampire went from hero to zero… twilight!
  11. I’m feeling a little batty today… twilight!

Twilight Jokes and Puns for Elders

  1. Twilight Zone for Seniors:
  2. I tried reading “Twilight” in my retirement home… turns out forbidden romance is less appealing when you need help opening the book.
  3. My grandkids told me “Twilight” is about vampires. I said, “Honey, at my age, every day is a countdown ’til bedtime.”
  4. You know you’re getting old when “sparkling vampires” sounds less like a teen fantasy and more like what your joints do after a long walk.
  5. I used to think Edward was creepy for watching Bella sleep. Now I realize he was just checking if she was still breathing.
  6. Edward and Bella’s love story is my sleep schedule goals: sleep all day, stay up all night, never age.
  7. Forget Team Edward or Team Jacob. I’m Team “Can Someone Turn on the Lights, I Can’t See a Darn Thing!”
  8. They say “Twilight” is a timeless love story. They’re right, I fell asleep halfway through and woke up three hours older.
  9. I saw a “Twilight” marathon on TV. I watched the whole thing. Twice. Because I kept forgetting what happened due to my early-onset… what was I talking about?
  10. Bella falls for a vampire with immortality. At my age, a good dental plan is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
  11. Back in my day, vampires didn’t sparkle, they sucked your blood and left you for dead. Good times!
  12. I’m not saying Edward is old, but his social security number is written in Roman numerals.
  13. I tried explaining “Twilight” to my bridge club. Let’s just say they were more interested in discussing my cholesterol levels.
  14. Twilight proves that love really does conquer all… especially good taste.
  15. They should make a “Twilight” spinoff for seniors. It’d be called “Sunset” and feature a love triangle between a werewolf with arthritis, a vampire with dentures, and a woman trying to remember where she parked her car.
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Twilight Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

  1. I tried to explain the plot of Twilight to a vampire hunter…he was very dis-sparked. πŸ§›β€β™‚οΈ
  2. What’s the difference between Edward and a calendar? A calendar has interesting dates. πŸ“… πŸ˜‚
  3. If Edward and Bella had a baby with a sunburn, would it…sparkle? πŸ”₯πŸ‘Άβœ¨
  4. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Honestly, I’m Team “Get Bella Some Therapy”. πŸ§ πŸΊπŸ§›β€β™‚οΈ
  5. My love life is like the Twilight saga – full of teenage angst and questionable decisions. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ
  6. I stayed up all night reading Twilight. I guess you could say I pulled an Edward. πŸŒƒπŸ“š
  7. What did Edward Cullen say to Bella after their wedding? “It’s about time”. πŸ’πŸ•°οΈ
  8. You know you’ve read too much Twilight when you start whispering to your reflection about how beautiful it is. πŸͺžπŸ€­
  9. It’s ironic that vampires hate garlic because the plot of Twilight really bites. πŸ§„πŸ§›β€β™‚οΈ
  10. Twilight taught me one thing: True love means never having to leave your teenage daughter alone with a predatory sparkly vampire. ✨🀨
  11. What do you call a group of sparkly vampires trying to blend in with humans? A glitter-atti. βœ¨πŸ§›β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜‚
  12. My therapist told me to embrace my flaws. So naturally, I reread the entire Twilight saga. πŸ“šπŸ˜Œ
  13. I’m writing a sequel to Twilight. It’s about Bella getting tired of immortality and starting a successful baking business called “Gluten For Punishment.” πŸ§πŸ’€
  14. Just saw a billboard that said “Twilight: Still a better love story than…” and then it was blank. I think we all know what they meant. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜­
  15. I’m not saying Bella Swan was a bad character…but I wouldn’t trust her to water my plants, let alone choose between a vampire and a werewolf. πŸͺ΄πŸΊπŸ§›β€β™‚️

Time to Shine After All Those Twilight Puns!

We hope these Twilight puns and jokes have left you feeling absolutely batty! If you’re thirsty for more hilarious wordplay, don’t just sparkle in the shadows – sink your teeth into the rest of our punny website. We promise it’s more fun than a vampire at a blood drive!

Rabia Noreen & Team

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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