105+ Cousin Jokes & Puns: Relatively Funny Business

ByRabia Noreen & Team

Get ready to laugh your socks off with the best cousin jokes this side of the family tree! 😂 We’ve got a hilarious list of puns and funny jokes for kids, all about those crazy characters we call cousins. 😉 From clever wordplay to knee-slapping humor, this collection is sure to entertain. So gather ’round, cuz it’s about to get punny! 😜

Top Cousin Jokes – Best Picks

  1. Why don’t cousins get good reception? They’re always a little antena-ed around each other!
  2. What did the introverted cousin say at the family reunion? “This is way too cousin for comfort!”
  3. How do you get a cousin to smile on picture day? Say “Cheese cousin!”
  4. My cousin thinks he’s a magician. He keeps trying to turn his car into a cousin, but it never works!
  5. You know, I tried to explain to my younger cousin the difference between “pretty” and “beautiful”… But I think it went cousin one ear and out the other.
  6. Did you hear about the restaurant that caters exclusively to cousins? It’s always cousin room only!
  7. My cousin just became a lawyer for cannibals. Business isn’t booming, but he’s got a few cousins lined up.
  8. Someone told me I should be a genealogist. I told them, “Been there, cousin that.”
  9. Did you hear about the detective who only solved crimes involving extended family? He was known for cracking cousin cases.
  10. My cousin is obsessed with trains. He even named his pet parrot Thomas the Cousin Engine.
  11. Why did the cousin go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw cousin portraits!
  12. My cousin claimed to invent a new dance move called “The Distant Relative.” It’s basically just standing awkwardly and waving.
Ultimate collection of Best Cousin Jokes and Puns, One-liners, Dad Jokes, Funny Quotes, and Captions - Discover engaging and humorous content at PunnyHub.com

Clever Cousin Puns – Best Picks

  1. “I tried to organize a family Zoom with all my cousins, but I only got a cous-in’t.”
  2. My cousin started a band called “Relative Pitch.” They’re doing well for an up-and-cous-in’ band.
  3. My cousin is really into genealogy. She says it’s important to know your roots…and your cous-ins and outs.
  4. My vegetarian cousin got a job at a farm. Seems like an odd fit, but she’s really into her cous-ins.
  5. I asked my cousin what he majored in. He said, “History, but I also took a cous-in Anthropology.”
  6. My fashion-forward cousin is starting her own clothing line. It’s called “Haute Cous-in!”
  7. I just met my third cousin twice removed. Wow, talk about keepin’ your distance, cous-in!
  8. My cousin’s a magician. His favorite trick involves disappearing rabbits and reappearing cous-ins.
  9. I’m starting my own brand of organic juice. It’s going to be called “Cous-in Concentrate.”
  10. Ran into my cousin at the bank, turns out we’re both there for the same reason: trying to make some cous-in!
  11. My cousin claimed he was abducted by aliens. I told him to quit with the space cous-ins.
  12. Went to a family reunion, ended up playing poker with all my cousins. Turns out, I’m not very good at keepin’ my cous-in.
  13. My cousin’s a rapper. He goes by Lil’ Cuz, and his catchphrase is “Droppin’ beats and stayin’ cous-in.”
  14. My cousin’s a baker. His cakes are delicious, especially his famous “Cous-in Crispies.”

Funny Cousin One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Cousin Jokes

  1. I started a band called “My Cousin’s Band”. We mostly play weddings… whether the bride and groom want us to or not.
  2. My cousin claimed he could communicate with vegetables… I told him that was just pre-pasta-rous!
  3. I asked my younger cousin what her favorite letter was. She said “Y” … I guess you could say, she’s got style.
  4. My cousin tried to convince me he was a self-made millionaire. I guess selling lemonade outside his parent’s mansion counts for something.
  5. My cousin thinks he’s a math genius. I told him to prove it by calculating the volume of a pizza… Turns out, he only thinks in “pie r squared.”
  6. I told my cousin I wanted to be a comedian when I grow up. He said, “Don’t quit your day job.” I guess he’s seen my act before.
  7. My cousin is so cheap, he uses the same Christmas wrapping paper every year. He just flips it over and writes, “Re-gifted from your favorite cousin!”
  8. My vegetarian cousin named his pet chicken “Nugget.” I guess you could say he’s got a dark sense of humor.
  9. My cousin started a dating app for birds. It’s called “Tinder for Tweeting”.
  10. My cousin is obsessed with conspiracy theories. He says the government is putting chemicals in our water to turn us into… well, let’s just say he’s a little out there.
  11. I told my cousin he needed to pay more attention in history class. He said, “Why bother, it’s all just ancient history!” I guess he has a point.
  12. My cousin is convinced he’s a fashion icon. I saw him wearing socks and sandals the other day. I guess fashion is subjective…?
  13. My cousin’s a terrible liar. You can always tell when he’s fibbing because his pants start on fire.
  14. My cousin opened a restaurant called “Karma Café” – There’s no menu, you get what you deserve.
  15. My cousin’s a contortionist; he can touch his elbow with his… well, you get the idea.

Cousin QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Cousin

  1. Q: Why did the cousin become a detective? A: He was always good at solving family mysteries… especially who ate the last cookie.
  2. Q: What do you call a cousin who’s a magician? A: A disa-pearing relative!
  3. Q: What do you call a group of cousins who start a band? A: The fam-jam!
  4. Q: Why don’t shellfish like their cousins? A: They’re always crabby!
  5. Q: What did the math book say to its cousin the history book? A: “Boy, do you have a lot of problems!”
  6. Q: Why did the cousin go to art school? A: He wanted to be a draw-bridge to family gatherings!
  7. Q: What did one cousin potato chip say to the other? A: “Hey, let’s dip!”
  8. Q: Why did the computer go to its cousin’s wedding? A: To connect with the family network!
  9. Q: What’s a genealogist’s favorite dessert? A: Family tree-t!
  10. Q: Why did the pirate’s family reunion take so long? A: They spent hours trying to find the buried treasure… of embarrassing childhood stories!
  11. Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo’s cousin? A: A pouch potato!
  12. Q: Why did the thermometer feel welcome at the family reunion? A: Because it was surrounded by its degrees-tives!
  13. Q: What do you call a cousin who’s a photographer? A: A shutter-bug, especially when there’s cake!
  14. Q: Why was the family reunion so loud? A: Everyone was trying to get a word in edge-wise!

Dad Jokes About Cousin: Pun-Filled Quips

  1. I met my cousin at the bank the other day. We’re pretty close, so we decided to open a joint account. You could say we’re banking on our familial bond.
  2. My cousin started a band called “Missing Genes.” They’re really hard to find a gig.
  3. My cousin claims he can communicate with vegetables. I think he’s parsley delusional.
  4. I asked my cousin, who’s a chef, to explain the family recipe. He said, “It’s a secret, cuz!”
  5. My cousin Vinny is opening a winery. I guess you could say he’s really embracing the grapevine family business.
  6. My cousin’s a magician. His favorite trick is pulling rabbits out of his hat. I told him to branch out!
  7. My cousin claims to be a descendant of royalty. I told him, “Prove it, cuz! Show me the crown!”
  8. My cousin’s a pilot. He loves his job, but the pay is plane awful.
  9. My cousin got a job at the bank as a loan officer. I guess he’s always been good with his relativities.
  10. My cousin thinks he’s a comedian. I told him, “Don’t quit your day job, cuz. Stick to what you’re good at… being my cousin.”
  11. My cousin’s a little shy. He doesn’t come out of his shell often. I tell him, “Come on, cuz! Be a little shellfish!”
  12. I wanted to call my cousin to wish him Happy Birthday, but then I realized… it’s not his birthday! I guess I was just feeling sentimental about our relation-chip!
  13. My cousin and I are planning a trip to visit our relatives across the country. It’s going to be a real family reunion-ion.
  14. My cousin asked me if I wanted to join his pyramid scheme. I told him, “Sorry cuz, I already have a pyramid: It’s called my family tree.”

Cousin Jokes and Puns for Kids

  1. Why did the cousin wear a disguise to the family reunion? Because he was feeling in-cog-nito!
  2. What do you call a cousin who’s always getting into trouble? A rebel without a coz!
  3. Why don’t cousins like boxing? Because they always have a close relative in the ring!
  4. What does a ghost call their cousin? Their boo-tiful relative!
  5. Why did the cousin cross the playground? To get to the other slide of the family!
  6. What’s a cousin’s favorite drink? Punch, especially at family gatherings!
  7. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cousin. Cousin who? Cousin you’re happy to see me!
  8. My cousin said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. I said, “I think you’ve got the genes for it!”
  9. What do you get when you combine a lemon and a cousin? A sour relative!
  10. Why don’t they let cousins play poker together? They always seem to have a family resemblance to the winning hand!
  11. Why did the cousin get sent to his room during the family game night? He kept trying to cheat his relatives!
  12. What does the family tree say to a new cousin? “Welcome to the branches!”

Cousin Jokes and Puns for Elders

  1. My genealogist cousin found out we’re related to royalty. I told him, “Don’t get your hopes up, it’s from your mother’s side.” 😏
  2. I asked my cousin, a Wall Street tycoon, for the secret to his success. He said, “Invest in what you know.” So I invested in antacids—he’s always giving me heartburn.
  3. You know you’re getting old when your idea of a wild Friday night is playing Scrabble with your cousin… and hoping they don’t notice you’re using the same words as last time.
  4. My cousin is convinced he has ESP. Personally, I think he just overhears everything because he refuses to wear pants to family dinners.
  5. A bottle of fine wine is like a family reunion… Full of tannins, and you always end up spending way too much time with your crazy cousin. 🍷
  6. Ran into my cousin at the casino. Turns out he’s got a real gambling problem. He keeps betting his kids’ inheritance on red. Good thing it’s not my inheritance. 😉
  7. My cousin claimed he could predict the future. Turns out, he was right. He predicted I wouldn’t lend him money ever again.
  8. They say blood is thicker than water… That explains why my cousin’s inheritance seems to be flowing away from me.
  9. Never get into a political debate with your cousin. You’ll be arguing for hours, and the only thing you’ll agree on is that the mashed potatoes were lumpy.
  10. My doctor said I needed to get more “me time.” So I went to visit my cousin – he always makes me feel much better about my own life choices.
  11. My cousin is writing a tell-all memoir about the family. I’m not worried. I’ve got a good lawyer.
  12. You know you’re from a big family when… the person who owes you money at the casino is also your first cousin.
  13. Two cousins walk past an expensive restaurant. One sighs, “I wish we could afford to eat there.” The other replies, “Wish I had someone to eat there WITH.” 😩
  14. I told my frugal cousin that money can’t buy happiness. He said, “Sure, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to sail right up next to it.”
  15. My therapist suggested I work on setting healthier boundaries with my family. So, I blocked all my cousins on social media. Now I just get their passive-aggressive holiday cards. 😜

Cousin Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

  1. Just found out my cousin thinks cilantro tastes like soap. Guess you could say we’re not suited to be food critics together. 😂
  2. Me: “Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?” Friend: “OMG, No! Was anyone caught?” Me: “Yeah, he was cousin a scene.” 😎
  3. What do you call a gathering of stylish cousins? A family re-union. 👔👗
  4. My cousin claimed he could communicate with vegetables. I looked at him skeptically. “He’s got to be kidding me,” I thought, “That’s totally corn-y.” 🌽
  5. My cousin just became a professional cuddler. He’s really embracing his new career. 🤗
  6. Why don’t they allow cousins on the airplane? Because they like to fly United! ✈️
  7. My cousin’s a photographer. He’s always saying, “Let’s lens each other some support.” 📸
  8. Went to a family reunion, but it was more like a cousin-ference with all the serious discussions. 🤔
  9. I told my cousin I was writing a book about procrastination. He said, “Really? Let me know when it’s dun.” 🐌
  10. You know you’re at a fun family reunion when even the cousin chaos is entertaining. 🎉
  11. My cousin’s really into conspiracy theories. Thinks everything’s a cover-up… especially the family BBQ leftovers. 👽🍗
  12. Arguing with your cousin about who’s the favorite is a relative debate. 😉
  13. My cousin said she wanted a job where she could wear pajamas all day. I suggested becoming a dream analyst. 😴
  14. Family reunions are basically cousin conventions, except with more potato salad. 🥔👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Cousin’ Up Some Laughs? That’s All, Folks!

Well, cuz- that’s a wrap on our collection of cousin jokes! We hope these puns and punchlines gave you a laugh – or at least made you briefly question your family tree. For more rib-tickling wordplay and side-splitting humor, be sure to explore the rest of our punny website. You won’t re-gret it!

Rabia Noreen & Team

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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