107+ Kiwi Puns & Jokes: You’ve Gotta Be Zespri-ing Me!
Get ready to laugh your feathers off! 😂 This is it, the ultimate list of kiwi jokes and puns – the best, most hilarious, and cleverest kiwi humor you’ll find anywhere. 🤪 Whether you’re a fan of puns or just enjoy a good chuckle, we’ve got something for everyone, even jokes for kids! 🥝 So buckle up and get ready for a wild ride of kiwi-themed fun! 🎉
Top Kiwi Jokes – Best Picks
- Why don’t kiwis ever play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
- What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Anything but kiwi-pop!
- You know you’ve been in New Zealand too long when… You start calling everyone a “kiwi”, even the sheep!
- Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
- How do kiwis travel long distances? They take the feather-lane!
- What do you call a kiwi with a sore throat? A little hoarse-bird!
- My friend said he wanted to live life like a kiwi… So I told him to aim low and be nocturnal!
- Why did the kiwi get lost in the library? He couldn’t find the flightless bird section!
- What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears a helmet? A kiwi riding a scooter!
- How do you know if a kiwi likes you? They’ll share their least wormy grub with you!
- My friend asked me if kiwis can fly… I said, “Of course! They take Air New Zealand.”
- Never try to outrun a kiwi… They have tiny legs, but they’re surprisingly judgemental when you fail!
- What’s a kiwi’s favorite Shakespeare play? Othello!
Clever Kiwi Puns – Best Picks
- I tried to explain to my friend how good kiwis are for you… but I think I sounded a little preachy.
- What do you call a kiwi dressed as a blueberry? A real smoothie operator.
- Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken.
- Did you hear about the kiwi who became a lawyer? He’s now a kiwi-litigator!
- What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Anything but the blues!
- I used to be addicted to kiwis… But thankfully, I’m fully recove-rind now.
- I wanted to open a kiwi-themed escape room… …but I couldn’t find the key-wi.
- My friend started a kiwi farm with only $100. I guess you could say he started from the bottom of the fruit chain.
- What do you call a group of kiwis playing music? A kiwi-ntet.
- Why don’t kiwis ever give to charity? Because they’re always a little bit seedy.
- I thought I saw a kiwi riding a motorcycle… …but when I got closer I realized it was just a fuzzy dice.
- What do you call a one-legged kiwi? A kiwi on stilts – because they don’t have two kiwis to rub together!
- What’s a kiwi’s least favorite month? Sep-tem-ber!
- If you make wine out of kiwis… …does that make it a kiwi-vignon blanc?
- Never tell a kiwi a secret… They’re real chatter-fuzzies!
Funny Kiwi One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Kiwi Jokes
- I tried to explain to a kiwi bird that it couldn’t be a pilot. It just didn’t fly with him.
- A kiwi walked into a bar and said, “Hey, anyone seen my wallet?” A voice from the back yelled, “Yeah, and we’ve got your sheep too!”
- Kiwi birds are proof that not everyone can achieve their dreams of flight, but they still look cute trying.
- Why are kiwis so good at poker? They’ve always got an ace up their wing.
- What do you call a kiwi that sells insurance? A policy wonk.
- You know you’re from New Zealand when you get irrationally angry when someone peels a kiwi.
- What’s a kiwi bird’s favorite type of music? Anything but heavy metal – they prefer the lighter rock.
- I saw a kiwi band last night. They were amazing… for the first two seconds, then they had to change the record.
- I used to date a kiwi, but it was hard to keep the relationship afloat. She was always a little flightless.
- How do you make a kiwi smoothie? Just wing it!
- Where do kiwis go to have a few drinks? The nearest branch.
- Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
- My friend tried to make kiwi jam. It was a bit of a sticky situation.
- Why are kiwis so good at hide and seek? They’re practically invisible in the dark!
- Someone told me kiwis taste better with their jackets on. They were right, leather makes everything better.
Kiwi QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Kiwi
- Q: Why did the kiwi get a job at the bank? A: Because he was great with his nest egg-onomics!
- Q: What do you call a kiwi who’s a detective? A: Sherlock Ohms! (Sherlock Holmes + Ohms, the unit of electrical resistance)
- Q: What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? A: Anything but kiwi-pop, it’s too mainstream.
- Q: Why did the kiwi cross the road? A: To prove he wasn’t chicken!
- Q: What’s brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses? A: A kiwi on vacation!
- Q: Why don’t kiwis ever order dessert at restaurants? A: They always have their beak in a pie!
- Q: What do you get when you cross a kiwi with a skunk? A: I don’t know, but it sure would smell terrible!
- Q: How do you make a kiwi smoothie? A: Give him a microphone and a stage!
- Q: Where do kiwis keep their money? A: In a river bank!
- Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: A pouch potato!
- Q: Why are kiwis such good gardeners? A: They have really green thumbs!
- Q: What’s a kiwi’s favorite Shakespearean play? A: Omelet! (Hamlet + Omelet)
- Q: Did you hear about the kiwi who won an Olympic medal? A: It was quite a feat-her in his cap!
- Q: What do you call a kiwi wearing armor? A: A knight kiwi!
- Q: Why don’t kiwis play poker? A: They always keep a bird’s-eye view!
Dad Jokes About Kiwi: Pun-Filled Quips
- I tried to explain to my son that kiwis are fuzzy on the outside… He just looked at me and said, “Yeah, no duh-welly.”
- You know what’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Anything zestful!
- My wife asked me to pick up some kiwi at the store. I told her I’d try, but no promises… they’re pretty hard to catch in the wild!
- This little kiwi tried to get into a club, but the bouncer said, “Sorry, we’re all full. It’s kiwi-pacitty in here!”
- Why did the kiwi get in trouble at school? He kept throwing his seed of knowledge at the other students!
- I saw a kiwi wearing a tiny raincoat and boots the other day. He looked so cute, ready for any kiwi-d of weather!
- You know what’s brown and fuzzy on the outside, green on the inside, and lives in New Zealand? Give up? A kiwi… that’s wearing a disguise!
- Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
- What do you get when you cross a kiwi with a sheep? A fuzzy fruit that does an impeccable job mowing the lawn!
- My kid asked me what the opposite of a kiwi is. I told him, “A kiwi-not!”
- Never play hide and seek with a kiwi… They’re really good at it… kiwi-dn’t find them if you tried!
- Why did the kiwi fail his driving test? He kept trying to eat the steering wheel, claiming it was a giant lime!
- What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakiwis!
- Don’t tell secrets in a kiwi orchard. The birds are always eavesdropping and they’re kiwi-lling to spread the gossip!
Kiwi Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why don’t kiwis ever carry maps? Because they’ve got their own built-in “compasses”! 🧭
- What do you call a kiwi with a crown? A “king-wi”! 👑
- What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Anything “berry” catchy! 🎶
- Why did the kiwi cross the playground? To get to the other slide! 🛝
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi Who? Kiwi be friends? 😊
- Why was the kiwi looking at the computer? He heard it had lots of “megs”! 💻
- What do you call a group of kiwis singing together? A “fruit salad symphony”! 🥝🍎🍇
- What’s a kiwi’s favorite sport? Badminton, because they’re really good at hitting “birdies”! 🏸
- Why did the kiwi get lost in the bakery? He was following his nose to the “pie-wi” section! 🥧
- What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears a space helmet? An astro-kiwi! 🚀
- What did the ocean say to the kiwi? Nothing, it just “waved”! 🌊
- What’s a kiwi’s favorite subject in school? “His-kiwi-tory”! 📚
- Why are kiwis so good at hide-and-seek? Have you seen how good their camouflage is? They blend right in! 🌿
- Why didn’t the kiwi want to share his snack? Because he was a little bit “kiwi-lfish”! 🤫
- What do you get if you cross a kiwi with a sheep? A fluffy fruit salad! 🐑🥝 😄
Kiwi Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why don’t kiwis ever use dating apps? They prefer to find love organically… and flightless.
- You know you’re getting old when… You remember when “kiwi” only referred to a fruit, not someone who says “bro” unironically.
- What’s the difference between a kiwi and a hip replacement? Most hip replacements can handle a night out dancing.
- My doctor told me to eat more kiwis for potassium… But every time I try to peel one, I pull a hamstring.
- I told my grandkids I used to eat kiwis with the skin on. They looked at me like I just confessed to eating dirt.
- What’s a kiwi’s least favorite type of footwear? High heels – they’re a bit too “high-flying” for their liking.
- I tried to make a kiwi smoothie this morning… Turns out my blender isn’t rated for flightless birds.
- You know you’ve lived in New Zealand too long when… You start calling everyone “mate” even if they’re wearing a suit.
- Retirement is like being a kiwi… Every day feels like a Saturday, especially when you can’t remember what day it is.
- Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken… even though he kind of resembles one.
- What do you call a kiwi with a camouflage problem? Easy prey.
- My wife said I needed to add more “Kiwi culture” to our home. So I bought a sheepskin rug and put on Lorde.
- Heard about the kiwi who won an Olympic medal? Me neither.
- A kiwi walks into a library and asks for books on flying… The librarian whispers, “They’re in the fiction section.”
Kiwi Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw a kiwi arguing with a strawberry. Turns out it was a…fruit salad debate. 🍓🥝
- What do you call a kiwi that’s also a lawyer? Legal-kiwi. 🥝👩⚖️ (Tag a friend studying law!)
- My friend said kiwis are hairy and weird. I told him not to be so judge-menta. 🥝🤨
- My life is like a kiwi…kinda fuzzy and I don’t know what’s going on inside. 🥝🤯 (Relatable content is always a hit!)
- You know what they say, “If life gives you kiwis, make a smoothie.” Or just eat them with a spoon, I don’t judge. 🥝😋
- What’s a kiwi’s favorite kind of music? Anything but the blues! 🥝🎶
- I tried to make a kiwi pie once. It was…interesting. I think I’ll stick to the bird next time. 🥝🥧 (Playful confusion about kiwi bird vs. fruit)
- Why don’t kiwis fly? Because they only get 10 miles to the gallon. 🥝🚗 (Absurd humor for the win!)
- Did you hear about the kiwi that won an Olympic medal? It was out-standing in its field! 🥝🥇
- What do you call a kiwi with an attitude? A sour patch kid. 🥝😠
- Breaking news: Local kiwi caught smuggling grapes across the border. More at 11. 🥝🍇 (Silly and unexpected!)
- My therapist told me to embrace my inner kiwi. Now I’m hairy, flightless, and crave sunshine. 🥝☀️😅
- I told my friend kiwi is my favorite fruit. He said “Really? Mine too!” I guess you could say we’re…like two peas in a pod. 😉🥝 (End on a wholesome note!)
That’s All, Folks! Don’t Go Bananas, Go Kiwi!
We’ve reached the bottom of our kiwi fruit basket of jokes, but don’t worry, there’s a-peel-ing humor to be found elsewhere! Explore our website for more punny adventures – we’re berry confident you’ll find something to tickle your funny bone.
