107+ Kiwi Puns & Jokes: You’ve Gotta Be Zespri-ing Me!

Get ready to laugh your feathers off! 😂 This is it, the ultimate list of kiwi jokes and puns – the best, most hilarious, and cleverest kiwi humor you’ll find anywhere. 🤪 Whether you’re a fan of puns or just enjoy a good chuckle, we’ve got something for everyone, even jokes for kids! 🥝 So buckle up and get ready for a wild ride of kiwi-themed fun! 🎉

Top Kiwi Jokes – Best Picks

1. Why don’t kiwis ever play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
2. What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Anything but kiwi-pop!
3. You know you’ve been in New Zealand too long when… You start calling everyone a “kiwi”, even the sheep!
4. Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
5. How do kiwis travel long distances? They take the feather-lane!
6. What do you call a kiwi with a sore throat? A little hoarse-bird!
7. My friend said he wanted to live life like a kiwi… So I told him to aim low and be nocturnal!
8. Why did the kiwi get lost in the library? He couldn’t find the flightless bird section!
9. What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears a helmet? A kiwi riding a scooter!
10. How do you know if a kiwi likes you? They’ll share their least wormy grub with you!
11. My friend asked me if kiwis can fly… I said, “Of course! They take Air New Zealand.”
12. Never try to outrun a kiwi… They have tiny legs, but they’re surprisingly judgemental when you fail!
13. What’s a kiwi’s favorite Shakespeare play? Othello!

Clever Kiwi Puns – Best Picks

1. I tried to explain to my friend how good kiwis are for you… but I think I sounded a little preachy.
2. What do you call a kiwi dressed as a blueberry? A real smoothie operator.
3. Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken.
4. Did you hear about the kiwi who became a lawyer? He’s now a kiwi-litigator!
5. What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Anything but the blues!
6. I used to be addicted to kiwis… But thankfully, I’m fully recove-rind now.
7. I wanted to open a kiwi-themed escape room… …but I couldn’t find the key-wi.
8. My friend started a kiwi farm with only $100. I guess you could say he started from the bottom of the fruit chain.
9. What do you call a group of kiwis playing music? A kiwi-ntet.
10. Why don’t kiwis ever give to charity? Because they’re always a little bit seedy.
11. I thought I saw a kiwi riding a motorcycle… …but when I got closer I realized it was just a fuzzy dice.
12. What do you call a one-legged kiwi? A kiwi on stilts – because they don’t have two kiwis to rub together!
13. What’s a kiwi’s least favorite month? Sep-tem-ber!
14. If you make wine out of kiwis… …does that make it a kiwi-vignon blanc?
15. Never tell a kiwi a secret… They’re real chatter-fuzzies!

Funny Kiwi One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Kiwi Jokes

1. I tried to explain to a kiwi bird that it couldn’t be a pilot. It just didn’t fly with him.
2. A kiwi walked into a bar and said, “Hey, anyone seen my wallet?” A voice from the back yelled, “Yeah, and we’ve got your sheep too!”
3. Kiwi birds are proof that not everyone can achieve their dreams of flight, but they still look cute trying.
4. Why are kiwis so good at poker? They’ve always got an ace up their wing.
5. What do you call a kiwi that sells insurance? A policy wonk.
6. You know you’re from New Zealand when you get irrationally angry when someone peels a kiwi.
7. What’s a kiwi bird’s favorite type of music? Anything but heavy metal – they prefer the lighter rock.
8. I saw a kiwi band last night. They were amazing… for the first two seconds, then they had to change the record.
9. I used to date a kiwi, but it was hard to keep the relationship afloat. She was always a little flightless.
10. How do you make a kiwi smoothie? Just wing it!
11. Where do kiwis go to have a few drinks? The nearest branch.
12. Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
13. My friend tried to make kiwi jam. It was a bit of a sticky situation.
14. Why are kiwis so good at hide and seek? They’re practically invisible in the dark!
15. Someone told me kiwis taste better with their jackets on. They were right, leather makes everything better.

Kiwi QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Kiwi

1. Q: Why did the kiwi get a job at the bank? A: Because he was great with his nest egg-onomics!
2. Q: What do you call a kiwi who’s a detective? A: Sherlock Ohms! (Sherlock Holmes + Ohms, the unit of electrical resistance)
3. Q: What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? A: Anything but kiwi-pop, it’s too mainstream.
4. Q: Why did the kiwi cross the road? A: To prove he wasn’t chicken!
5. Q: What’s brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses? A: A kiwi on vacation!
6. Q: Why don’t kiwis ever order dessert at restaurants? A: They always have their beak in a pie!
7. Q: What do you get when you cross a kiwi with a skunk? A: I don’t know, but it sure would smell terrible!
8. Q: How do you make a kiwi smoothie? A: Give him a microphone and a stage!
9. Q: Where do kiwis keep their money? A: In a river bank!
10. Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: A pouch potato!
11. Q: Why are kiwis such good gardeners? A: They have really green thumbs!
12. Q: What’s a kiwi’s favorite Shakespearean play? A: Omelet! (Hamlet + Omelet)
13. Q: Did you hear about the kiwi who won an Olympic medal? A: It was quite a feat-her in his cap!
14. Q: What do you call a kiwi wearing armor? A: A knight kiwi!
15. Q: Why don’t kiwis play poker? A: They always keep a bird’s-eye view!

Dad Jokes About Kiwi: Pun-Filled Quips

1. I tried to explain to my son that kiwis are fuzzy on the outside… He just looked at me and said, “Yeah, no duh-welly.”
2. You know what’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Anything zestful!
3. My wife asked me to pick up some kiwi at the store. I told her I’d try, but no promises… they’re pretty hard to catch in the wild!
4. This little kiwi tried to get into a club, but the bouncer said, “Sorry, we’re all full. It’s kiwi-pacitty in here!”
5. Why did the kiwi get in trouble at school? He kept throwing his seed of knowledge at the other students!
6. I saw a kiwi wearing a tiny raincoat and boots the other day. He looked so cute, ready for any kiwi-d of weather!
7. You know what’s brown and fuzzy on the outside, green on the inside, and lives in New Zealand? Give up? A kiwi… that’s wearing a disguise!
8. Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
9. What do you get when you cross a kiwi with a sheep? A fuzzy fruit that does an impeccable job mowing the lawn!
10. My kid asked me what the opposite of a kiwi is. I told him, “A kiwi-not!”
11. Never play hide and seek with a kiwi… They’re really good at it… kiwi-dn’t find them if you tried!
12. Why did the kiwi fail his driving test? He kept trying to eat the steering wheel, claiming it was a giant lime!
13. What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakiwis!
14. Don’t tell secrets in a kiwi orchard. The birds are always eavesdropping and they’re kiwi-lling to spread the gossip!

Kiwi Jokes and Puns for Kids

1. Why don’t kiwis ever carry maps? Because they’ve got their own built-in “compasses”! 🧭
2. What do you call a kiwi with a crown? A “king-wi”! 👑
3. What’s a kiwi’s favorite type of music? Anything “berry” catchy! 🎶
4. Why did the kiwi cross the playground? To get to the other slide! 🛝
5. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Kiwi. Kiwi Who? Kiwi be friends? 😊
6. Why was the kiwi looking at the computer? He heard it had lots of “megs”! 💻
7. What do you call a group of kiwis singing together? A “fruit salad symphony”! 🥝🍎🍇
8. What’s a kiwi’s favorite sport? Badminton, because they’re really good at hitting “birdies”! 🏸
9. Why did the kiwi get lost in the bakery? He was following his nose to the “pie-wi” section! 🥧
10. What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears a space helmet? An astro-kiwi! 🚀
11. What did the ocean say to the kiwi? Nothing, it just “waved”! 🌊
12. What’s a kiwi’s favorite subject in school? “His-kiwi-tory”! 📚
13. Why are kiwis so good at hide-and-seek? Have you seen how good their camouflage is? They blend right in! 🌿
14. Why didn’t the kiwi want to share his snack? Because he was a little bit “kiwi-lfish”! 🤫
15. What do you get if you cross a kiwi with a sheep? A fluffy fruit salad! 🐑🥝 😄

Kiwi Jokes and Puns for Elders

1. Why don’t kiwis ever use dating apps? They prefer to find love organically… and flightless.
2. You know you’re getting old when… You remember when “kiwi” only referred to a fruit, not someone who says “bro” unironically.
3. What’s the difference between a kiwi and a hip replacement? Most hip replacements can handle a night out dancing.
4. My doctor told me to eat more kiwis for potassium… But every time I try to peel one, I pull a hamstring.
5. I told my grandkids I used to eat kiwis with the skin on. They looked at me like I just confessed to eating dirt.
6. What’s a kiwi’s least favorite type of footwear? High heels – they’re a bit too “high-flying” for their liking.
7. I tried to make a kiwi smoothie this morning… Turns out my blender isn’t rated for flightless birds.
8. You know you’ve lived in New Zealand too long when… You start calling everyone “mate” even if they’re wearing a suit.
9. Retirement is like being a kiwi… Every day feels like a Saturday, especially when you can’t remember what day it is.
10. Why did the kiwi cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken… even though he kind of resembles one.
11. What do you call a kiwi with a camouflage problem? Easy prey.
12. My wife said I needed to add more “Kiwi culture” to our home. So I bought a sheepskin rug and put on Lorde.
13. Heard about the kiwi who won an Olympic medal? Me neither.
14. A kiwi walks into a library and asks for books on flying… The librarian whispers, “They’re in the fiction section.”

Kiwi Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

1. Just saw a kiwi arguing with a strawberry. Turns out it was a…fruit salad debate. 🍓🥝
2. What do you call a kiwi that’s also a lawyer? Legal-kiwi. 🥝👩‍⚖️ (Tag a friend studying law!)
3. My friend said kiwis are hairy and weird. I told him not to be so judge-menta. 🥝🤨
4. My life is like a kiwi…kinda fuzzy and I don’t know what’s going on inside. 🥝🤯 (Relatable content is always a hit!)
5. You know what they say, “If life gives you kiwis, make a smoothie.” Or just eat them with a spoon, I don’t judge. 🥝😋
6. What’s a kiwi’s favorite kind of music? Anything but the blues! 🥝🎶
7. I tried to make a kiwi pie once. It was…interesting. I think I’ll stick to the bird next time. 🥝🥧 (Playful confusion about kiwi bird vs. fruit)
8. Why don’t kiwis fly? Because they only get 10 miles to the gallon. 🥝🚗 (Absurd humor for the win!)
9. Did you hear about the kiwi that won an Olympic medal? It was out-standing in its field! 🥝🥇
10. What do you call a kiwi with an attitude? A sour patch kid. 🥝😠
11. Breaking news: Local kiwi caught smuggling grapes across the border. More at 11. 🥝🍇 (Silly and unexpected!)
12. My therapist told me to embrace my inner kiwi. Now I’m hairy, flightless, and crave sunshine. 🥝☀️😅
13. I told my friend kiwi is my favorite fruit. He said “Really? Mine too!” I guess you could say we’re…like two peas in a pod. 😉🥝 (End on a wholesome note!)

That’s All, Folks! Don’t Go Bananas, Go Kiwi!

We’ve reached the bottom of our kiwi fruit basket of jokes, but don’t worry, there’s a-peel-ing humor to be found elsewhere! Explore our website for more punny adventures – we’re berry confident you’ll find something to tickle your funny bone.

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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