100+ Bidet Jokes & Puns: You’ll Be Butt-Hurting With Laughter
Get ready to laugh your butts off because you’re about to dive into the ✨best✨ list of bidet jokes and puns this side of the bathroom! 😂 We’ve got humor splashing 💦 from every angle, with clever wordplay that’s fun for kids and adults alike. So, grab your rubber ducky 🦆 and get ready for some potty humor puns that are anything but crappy! 🚽
Top Bidet Jokes – Best Picks
Why did the bidet get a promotion at work? Because it was really good at its behind-the-scenes role!
What’s a bidet’s favorite genre of music? Anything with a catchy flush!
You know you’re fancy when… you have a towel warmer specifically for your bidet.
My friend told me bidets are stuck-up… I told him, “Don’t be ridiculous, they’re very down-to-earth!”
I tried to have a philosophical debate with my bidet… but we just kept going around in circles.
What do you call a bidet in a race? A splash competitor!
Life is like a bidet… Sometimes you get the cold stream, sometimes you get the warm stream, but it always cleans up life’s little messes.
Did you hear about the haunted bathroom? The ghost always insisted on using the bidet– said it was for spiritual cleansing!
I used to be afraid of bidets… Then I took the plunge.
Bidets are proof that… you can always improve upon a classic design.
I finally understand why bidets are so confident… They’re always squeaky clean!
My doctor told me to add more fiber to my diet… I told him, “Don’t worry, I just installed a bidet. I’m all about that high-pressure lifestyle!”
Clever Bidet Puns – Best Picks
“I tried to write a song about a bidet, but it kept going down the drain.” 🚽🎶
“What’s the difference between a bidet and a bad lawyer? A bidet gets rid of the real crap.” 🚽⚖️
“I bought a talking bidet the other day. Turns out it was just full of hot air.” 🚽🗣️
“Why are bidets so good at poker? They always have a royal flush.” 🚽🃏
“My friend told me I should be more open-minded about bidets. I said, “Okay, let’s start with yours!” 🚽🤯
“I used to be anti-bidet, but then I turned a whole new cheek.” 🚽🍑
“What do you get when you cross a bidet with a detective? A clean slate.” 🚽🕵️♂️
“My doctor told me to invest in a bidet. Said it was high time I cleaned up my act.” 🚽🩺
“You know a party is fancy when they have a cheeseboard and a bidet… because you gotta brie-fore you bidet.” 🚽🧀
“Did you hear about the new bidet water park? It’s making a real splash!” 🚽💦
“Bidets are like really good therapists. They listen to all your crap and then tell you to get over yourself.” 🚽💆♀️
“Why did the bidet get a promotion? It was always exceeding expectations.” 🚽📈
“A bidet is a great investment. Your butt will thank you later.” 🚽💰
“Life is like a bidet. You get out of it what you put into it… except cleaner.” 🚽✨
“I finally decided to try a bidet. It was a life-altering experience. Literally.” 🚽🌎
Funny Bidet One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Bidet Jokes
I tried to explain to my dog why we have a bidet… it went right over his head.
My friend said bidets are too fancy… I told him to quit being such a potty mouth.
Bidets: They’re making a splash all over the world.
I used to be against bidets, but then I had a change of heart… and pants.
I wanted to buy a talking bidet, but they were sold out… guess they flew off the shelf.
My new apartment has a built-in bidet… talk about high-end accommodations!
You know you’re fancy when you can say you got sprayed by a $500 bidet today.
Bidets are like friendships… they’re always there to lend a helping hand.
My therapist told me to try new things… so I got a bidet.
Bidet users are always so refreshed… they really know how to clean up in life.
Life is like a bidet—you’re either in control, or getting sprayed in the face.
Having a bidet is like having a water park… for your behind.
I told my date I had a bidet… they said they couldn’t wait to come over.
Bidets: It’s not just a European thing anymore, guys. Get on board.
Bidet QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Bidet
Q: What did the bidet say to the toilet paper roll? A: “Hey pal, looks like we’re in the same business, but you’re always getting the short end of the stick.”
Q: Why did the bidet get a promotion at work? A: It really cleaned up in its performance review.
Q: What do you call a bidet that’s always bragging? A: A boastful bowl.
Q: Why are bidets so good at poker? A: They always have a good flush.
Q: What’s a bidet’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a catchy flow.
Q: Why did the toilet refuse to talk to the bidet? A: It said the bidet was always spouting off.
Q: What’s a bidet’s favorite movie? A: “Spray Way”
Q: How do you know your new apartment is fancy? A: The toilet has a resume, and the bidet has an assistant.
Q: Where do bidets go on vacation? A: The Wash-ington Monument.
Q: What did the plumber say to the broken bidet? A: “Looks like you’ve sprung a leak. Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.”
Q: Why was the bidet feeling down about its job at the spa? A: It felt like it was just going through the motions.
Q: What kind of car does a bidet drive? A: A Splash-mobile.
Q: Why don’t bidets ever win arguments? A: They always end up getting backed up.
Q: What did the bidet say to the toilet after a long day? A: “Well, that was a pretty crappy day.”
Dad Jokes About Bidet: Pun-Filled Quips
I wanted to try this fancy voice-activated bidet… Turns out it only understands French. (whispers) “Sacre bleu!”
My son asked me what a bidet is for. I told him, “It’s a throne for your derrière, but you gotta earn the right to rule it.”
Just bought a high-tech bidet with all the bells and whistles. It’s got heated seats, a massage function… even a built-in Netflix subscription!
Tried to save money by installing the bidet myself. Now, instead of feeling refreshed, I just feel… spritzed and confused.
Heard a rumor they’re making a bidet-themed amusement park. Apparently, it’s all the splash without the cash!
What’s the opposite of a bidet? A “bidon’t.”
My wife asked if I’d seen her book on bidets. I told her, “I have a feeling I know where it is… behind all those other books.”
This new bidet is amazing! It’s really cleaning up the competition.
They say bidets are the future of hygiene. Personally, I’m just along for the ride.
What do you call a bear with no teeth that uses a bidet? A gummy bear!
I used to be against bidets, but then I turned over a new leaf. Actually, it was more of a… splash.
What’s the musical difference between a toilet and a bidet? The toilet goes “C sharp” and the bidet goes “B flat!”
My doctor told me to get a bidet for my health. I said, “Hey Doc, I’m not made of money!” He said, “Well, at least start with a penny.”
I wanted to write a song about bidets… but I couldn’t find the right words. Or the right notes.
You know, I bet Shakespeare would have loved bidets. He was always going on about “All the world’s a stage”… and this is one stage you definitely want to keep clean!
Bidet Jokes and Puns for Kids
What’s a bidet’s favorite game show? Wheel of Fortune…of bathroom fixtures!
What did the happy bidet say after a long day? “Well, that was refreshing!”
How do bidets greet each other? With a “Water you doing today?”
What kind of music do bidets listen to? Anything but bathroom-rock!
My dad got soaked using the bidet! I guess you could say it was a total wash-out!
Why did the bidet get a job at the pool? It was great at making a splash!
What kind of car does a bidet drive? A splash-back!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato… who really needs a bidet!
Never challenge a bidet to a water fight… They always have the upper spray!
Why are bidets so good at poker? They have a great poker face… especially after a chili cook-off!
What does a bidet say before going on vacation? “Shell-abye!”
Bidet Jokes and Puns for Elders
My doctor told me to get a bidet. I told him, “Hey Doc, I’m 80! I don’t even buy green bananas anymore!”
What’s the difference between a bad gambler and a bidet? The gambler takes all your money, but the bidet only takes your assets.
I tried to explain cryptocurrency to my grandpa. He said, “Sounds like a bidet – everyone’s talking it up, but I’m not sure I see the point.”
My retirement plan is simple: a comfortable rocking chair, a good book, and a state-of-the-art bidet. You could say I’m investing in a clean finish.
A friend asked if I had a bidet installed in my guest bathroom. I told him, “No, but there’s a sink in there if you want to rough it.”
Forget anti-aging creams. A bidet is the real fountain of youth. It keeps you feeling fresh… down there.
I finally broke down and bought a bidet. My grandkids were impressed. They said it’s the most high-tech thing in my house…besides me.
My wife loves her new bidet. She says it’s like a spa day for her…well, you know.
I walked into the bathroom and saw my grandson playing with the bidet. I said, “Hey, that’s not a toy!” He said, “Then why is it so much fun?”
I never thought I’d be the type to own a bidet…but at this age, I’m willing to try anything once…except bungee jumping.
What’s the difference between a bidet and a bad habit? You can eventually break yourself of a bad habit.
My neighbor asked to borrow my garden hose. I told him, “Sorry, I’m using it to refill my bidet.” He hasn’t spoken to me since. I guess some people just can’t handle progress.
Bidets: They’re not just for fancy hotels and the French anymore. They’re for anyone who appreciates a clean getaway.
I used to think bidets were extravagant. Now I realize, nothing is too good for my…well, let’s just say my “posterior.”
Bidet Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
Just got a bidet. My hygiene routine just went from zero to he-ROW! 💦
What did the bidet say to the toilet? You look a little flushed! 😳🚽
My wallet may be hurting after buying a bidet, but my bum feels like a million bucks! 💰🍑
“Bidet” sounds like a luxury car brand. “Honey, have you seen the keys to the Bidet?” 🚗✨
I used to think bidets were ridiculous. Now I can’t imagine going back to a life of wiping sadness. 😔➡️😁
My therapist told me to embrace change. So I bought a bidet. Guess you could say I’m making… waves. 🌊😂
Life is like a bidet. You don’t know what you’re missing until you try it. 😉
Just saw a ghost using a bidet. Guess you could say he was feeling… spook-tacularly clean! 👻✨
My new year’s resolution was to be less wasteful. Thanks to my bidet, I haven’t touched a roll of toilet paper in months! 🌎♻️
What’s the most environmentally friendly bathroom appliance? A bidet. It’s water efficient and helps save trees! Be kind to your behind AND the planet! 🌳❤️
Used a bidet at a friend’s house. Can’t believe I’ve been living in the dark ages all this time! 🕯️➡️💡
Friend: “You have a bidet? You’re so fancy!” Me: “No, I’m just ahead of the curve… of cleanliness! 😏
Bidet owners, what’s your favorite thing about it? Wrong answers only. 😈 (Get ready for some hilarious replies in the comments!)
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Having a bidet is like a spa day for your… you know! 🌹😂
I should have bought a bidet sooner. It’s life-changing! #bidetsquad #cleanandserene 🙌 (Don’t forget to start a trend with a funny hashtag!)
Bottom line? Bidets are the butt of the joke.
Well, there you have it! A splish-splash of the best bidet jokes and puns we could conjure. We hope these toilet humor tidbits didn’t leave you feeling too flushed. If you’re still feeling clean and craving more, be sure to explore our website for a treasure trove of hilarious puns and jokes. You’re in for a wild ride!
