103+ Drug Jokes & Puns: You’re Gonna LOL! πππ€£
ππ Get ready to laugh your aspirin off! This ain’t no placebo effect, folks β we’ve got a list of drug jokes and puns so funny, they’re practically illegal! π From clever wordplay to side-splitting humor, this collection is the best remedy for a boring day. Just a heads up, these jokes are intended for kids and adults who appreciate good, clean fun. So, buckle up and get ready for some seriously addictive humor! π€£ π―
Top Drug Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the rug get a promotion? It got stepped on too many times and finally said, “I’m drug down!”
- What do you call a rug that’s always tired? A drug!
- I saw a sign that said “Caution: Slow Down, Rugs.” I thought, “That’s absurd, who drags a rug that fast?”
- Why did the rug fail its driving test? It kept getting pulled over.
- My friend told me he was going to start selling rugs online. I said, “That’s a great way to get your business on the ground floor.”
- What’s a rug’s least favorite surface? Shag carpeting. All that competition!
- Why are rugs so good at poker? They’re great at bluffing.
- You know you’ve been working too hard when… you start seeing your job as a rug that’s dragging you down.
- Why was the rug afraid of the vacuum cleaner? It thought it was going to get swept off its feet!

Clever Drug Puns – Top Picks
I saw a sign at the pharmacy that said, “Don’t worry, be happy.” So I bought some antidepressants.
My doctor told me to take my medication on an empty stomach. Guess I’ll just have to throw up first.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
Never trust atoms. They make up everything! Especially the placebo effect.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
I tried to write a joke about procrastination, but I’ll do it tomorrow.
I went to the pharmacy and asked for something to help with my memory. The pharmacist gave me a jar and said, “Remember to return this!”
My friend is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
I’m writing a book about kleptomania. If it’s successful, I’ll take all the credit.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I’m afraid of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
Funny Drug One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Drug Jokes
I tried to come up with a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it went.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
My friend is addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I went to the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist what to take for a headache. He said, “Aspirin.” I said, “Thanks, I’ll take two.”
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was twoTIRED!
I’m writing a book about kleptomania. If it’s a success, I’ll take all the credit.
I’m afraid of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
Never trust atoms. They make up everything!
I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
I tried to explain to my friend why I couldn’t go out, but he just wouldn’t listen. Guess he’s got selective hearing.
Drug QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Drug
- Q: Why did the rug get an award? A: It was always getting stepped on, but it never seemed to mind being drug around.
- Q: Why was the detective suspicious of the rug dealer? A: He felt something was a little “off” about his line of work, like he was mixed up in something he shouldn’t be drug into.
- Q: What do you call a magic carpet that’s lost its powers? A: Just a rug…itβs been de-drugged!
- Q: Why did the old dog always lose at tug-of-war? A: He just couldn’t handle being drug around anymore. More “Drug” Wordplay:
- Q: What’s a dragon’s favorite thing to do at a party? A: Drag-on and on about its hoard of gold.
- Q: What do you call a tired dragon? A: Drug-on.
- Q: Why was the knight exhausted after fighting the dragon? A: He was drug all over the arena!
- Q: What’s a dragon’s favorite dating app? A: Tinder… they love to start a little fire, then drag you back to their place.
Dad Jokes About Drug: Pun-Filled Quips
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
- What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
- I just got hit on the head with a can of soda. Don’t worry, it was a soft drink.
- Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one!
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
- Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food is good, but it has no atmosphere.
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
- What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? An R2-Detour!
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
Drug Jokes and Puns for Kids
- What did the rug say to the floor? “Don’t worry, I got you covered!”
- Why did the rug get a gold medal? He was outstanding in his field!
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
- Where do sick ships go? To the doc!
- What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste! Wordplay:
- I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse and its rider!
Drug Jokes and Puns for Elders
I told my doctor I was having trouble with my hearing. He said, “Can you describe the symptoms?” I replied, “Sure! Homer is a fat, yellow guy, and Marge has really blue hair.”
My doctor told me I needed to watch my blood pressure. Guess I’ll have to follow it on social media.
I’m getting really good at telling when my grandkids are lying. I’ve developed a strong sense of deception.
My doctor told me I should take up yoga for my arthritis. Now I can finally say “Namaste” to my pain.
I’ve started taking iron supplements. Now I’m invincible! (Well, not really, but I feel a lot better.)
I asked my doctor if I could get a hearing aid. He said, “Certainly, but first let’s find out what’s wrong with you.” I said, “I keep hearing a ringing noise.” He said, “And?” I said, “Hello?”
I’m taking a new medication that makes me feel like I can do anything. It’s called retirement.
I asked my pharmacist for a pill to help me sleep. He gave me one and said, “Don’t worry, it’s non-habit forming.” I said, “Great, so I can take it every night?”
I’m starting a support group for people with bad knees. We’ll call it “The Joint Commission.”
I told my doctor I was feeling lightheaded. He said, “Well, sit down.” I said, “I can’t, I’m a lightbulb!”
I’m so old, I remember when “getting high” meant swinging on the playground.
My doctor told me to take Vitamin D every day. Now I spend a lot of time just hanging around the mailbox.
Drug Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
Just saw an ad for antidepressants that said “Ask your doctor if sadness is right for you.” Um… I think I’ll pass. #mentalhealth #medication
I’m starting a support group for people who can’t tell the difference between their medication and their M&Ms. It’s called “Trial and Error.” #whoops #pharmacyfails
My doctor told me to take my medication with a grain of salt. Now I’m thirsty. #doctororders #medicalhumor
I’m not addicted to caffeine. I can quit anytime I want… but I don’t want to. #coffeelife #caffeineaddict
I used to be addicted to the dictionary, but I’m recovered now. I’m finally able to close the book on that chapter of my life. #punny #wordnerd
I’m writing a self-help book for people with hypochondria. It’s called “How to Diagnose Yourself With Everything.” #anxiety #healthhumor
My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So I’m going to give them all a big hug. #therapyhumor #mentalhealthmatters
I’m starting a band called “The Placebos.” We’ll be huge… eventually. #musicjokes #believeinyourself
I’m so addicted to puns, I should be prescribed a punicillin. #dadjokes #sorrynotsorry
My doctor prescribed me some anti-anxiety medication. Now I’m relaxed about not being able to afford it. #healthcare #lifeinthe21stcentury
I’m taking a new medication that makes me see everything in black and white. Turns out, it was just my TV remote. #oops #seniorlife
I tried to explain to my doctor that I wasn’t feeling well, but he kept interrupting me. Guess he has a bad case of selective hearing. #doctorhumor #communicationfail
High Five! You’ve Reached the End of the Dose.
Well, that was a dose of laughter, wasn’t it? We hope these drug jokes and puns didn’t leave you feeling high and dry! If you’re still craving more side-splitting humor, don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Head over to our website for a whole pharmacy of puns and jokes that are guaranteed to cure your boredom!