103+ Diet Jokes & Puns: You’ll LOL, We Waffle-y Promise!

ByRabia Noreen & Team

👋 Hey there, fellow food lovers! 😅 Ready to laugh at the lighter side of lettuce? We all know dieting can be tough (to say the least!), so we’ve compiled a list of the BEST Diet Jokes and Puns to tickle your funny bone! 😂 Get ready for some seriously clever and funny wordplay – we’ve got humor for days, folks! This list has something for everyone, even jokes for kids! 🍔🍎 So, ditch the diet soda for a minute and get ready for some pun-tastic fun! 🎉

Top Diet Jokes – Best Picks

  1. Why did the diet book go on a rollercoaster? It wanted to be a thrill ride, not a meal ride! 🎢
  2. My friend said I should try the banana and vinegar diet. It’s easy: “You just have to peel away the pounds!” He wasn’t lyin’! 🍌
  3. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it! 🐠
  4. I tried to explain to my gym buddy what “cheat day” meant. Turns out, robbing a donut shop isn’t the right idea! 🍩👮‍♂️
  5. I want to lose weight, but it’s such a weigh to go. 😔 (Turns to the side) On the other hand.. 😏
  6. My doctor told me to go on a low-carb diet, so I got a job at the bakery. I mean, someone’s gotta eat the rejects! 🍞🤫
  7. Why do salad ingredients hate going to parties? Because they always get tossed out! 🎉🥗
  8. I’m starting to think my scale is broken… Every time I step on it, it says, “To infinity… and beyond!” 🚀
  9. My trainer told me to avoid carbs for a week. “No bread?” I cried. He said, “Don’t be so dramatic.” 🤔
  10. My friend told me I could lose 10 pounds in a week if I gave up wine. It’s been five days, and I’m missing those five pounds already! 🍷🤔
  11. Just found out my gym membership also includes a free subscription to “Motivation Monthly.” They haven’t sent me an issue yet! 🏋️‍♀️📧
  12. Why don’t they allow avocado on airplanes? Because they’re afraid it’ll guac the engine! 🥑✈️
  13. What’s a cannibal’s favorite type of diet? A lean one! 🍖 (We apologize for the dark humor! 😬)
  14. I tried the “Air Diet” – I just breathe and dream about food. So far, I’ve gained 3 pounds of pure imagination! ☁️💭
Ultimate collection of Best Diet Jokes and Puns, One-liners, Dad Jokes, Funny Quotes, and Captions - Discover engaging and humorous content at PunnyHub.com

Clever Diet Puns – Best Picks

  1. “I’m starting a seafood diet.” “Oh yeah, what’s the plan?” “I see food, I eat it.” 🐠
  2. My friend claims his new diet lets him eat anything. Turns out, it’s called the “cannibal diet.” He wasn’t joking. 😰
  3. I tried a mime-inspired diet. It was very…dramatic. 🎭
  4. My wallet is on a really strict diet. It’s lost all its cents. 💰
  5. I’m starting a new procrastination diet. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow. 😴
  6. Someone stole all my diet books. I’m devastated, those were my recipe for success! 📚
  7. Just found out I’m allergic to processed foods. Guess I’ll die-cut those out. 🤧
  8. I only drink diet soda. I figure it cancels out the calories in the pizza. 🍕
  9. Tried the “Air Diet.” Lost ten pounds of air before realizing it wasn’t working. 💨
  10. My doctor told me to go on a low-sodium diet. Guess I’ll just have to eat my chips solo. 😔
  11. I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve already lost three days! 🥃
  12. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything, even your diet! ⚛️
  13. My resolution was to lose 20 pounds this year. Only 19 to go! Wait…it’s February?! 🗓️
  14. I’m on a “see-food” diet. My friend brought donuts into the office…I see food, and I eat it! 🍩
  15. My therapist told me to eat whatever makes me happy. Bad news for my jeans, good news for pizza! 👖🍕
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Funny Diet One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Diet Jokes

  1. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
  2. My doctor told me to go on a low-sodium diet… Apparently, tequila is out.
  3. My friend told me to try this new all-water diet. It’s called drowning.
  4. Dieting is a piece of cake… if the cake is made of rice cakes.
  5. I lost five pounds on my new diet! Unfortunately, I accidentally ate my phone, so I gained it all back.
  6. I joined a gym to support my new diet. Turns out they don’t have a “donut forget to workout” section.
  7. The toughest part of being on a fruit-only diet is constantly explaining to everyone why you’re not a giant fruit bat.
  8. I tried a plant-based diet, but I kept getting distracted by the conversations with the trees.
  9. My new diet is amazing! You’re allowed to eat anything you want, as long as you can pronounce it in Latin.
  10. My wallet is on the strictest diet it’s ever been. It’s all air in there.
  11. My new diet allows only one vowel per meal. Today I’m having st’k ‘nd p’t’t’s.
  12. I wanted to try the cookie diet, but I just kept losing my place in the book.
  13. My bank account is always on a diet because it’s constantly losing weight.
  14. My doctor told me to go on a liquid diet, so I’m sticking to craft beers.
  15. I tried writing a book about my diet… but all the chapters were blank.

Diet QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Diet

  1. Q: What did the frustrated dieter say to their reflection? A: “We need to have a little weigh-in about your attitude!”
  2. Q: What’s the worst thing about this new “seafood only” diet? A: I spend most of my days just wading through the cravings.
  3. Q: I’m on a new diet where I only eat things with silent letters. A: That sounds tough! What are you having for dinner tonight? A: Psteak and mashed potatos!
  4. Q: What’s a cannibal’s least favorite diet? A: A vegan one! They say it’s just not human.
  5. Q: Why did the lettuce win an award? A: Because it was an outstanding member of the salad community and a key player in the diet industry!
  6. Q: Why did the doctor tell the cookie to be more optimistic? A: Because it was looking a little crumby and he recommended a change in diet!
  7. Q: I’m trying a new fruit-based password for my computer—it keeps getting rejected! A: What is it? A: Cantalope!
  8. Q: What do you call it when a bunch of rabbits start a fitness club? A: A gym-nasium! They offer hare-obics classes and a strict carrot-based diet plan.
  9. Q: What’s a vampire’s least favorite part of a diet? A: The constant craving for a bloody mary! They’re just too tempting.
  10. Q: Why don’t they trust atoms with a diet plan? A: Because they make up everything!
  11. Q: Heard about the new restaurant called ‘Karma’? A: There’s no menu, you just get what you deserve… especially on your diet!
  12. Q: My friend said he wanted to introduce me to this great new “potato-only” diet. A: Wow, how is it? A: Turns out it was just a clever way to say he was going to couch potato around all week!
  13. Q: What’s a snake’s favorite diet plan? A: The swallow-everything-in-one-bite diet, of course. No need for calorie counting!
  14. Q: You know you’ve been on a diet too long when…? A: …You start cheering on the vegetables in your fridge, hoping they’ll defeat the leftover pizza!
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Dad Jokes About Diet: Pun-Filled Quips

  1. I tried to explain to my friend about the benefits of a no-carb diet. Apparently, it went in one ear and out the yeast.
  2. My wife asked if I’d join her in a juice cleanse. I said, “Honey, I love you, but I have my juice loose.”
  3. A friend asked if I was on a seafood diet. I told him, “I see food, and I eat it!”
  4. My doctor put me on a strict diet of almonds. I guess you could say it’s nuts!
  5. Started a new diet consisting only of alphabet soup. It’s been hard, but I know I’ve got to stick to my C’s and veggies.
  6. I’m thinking about starting a diet entirely based on clocks. It’s about thyme!
  7. My doctor recommended I start eating more dates. I guess you could say I’m going on a blind diet.
  8. Tried to convince my wife to go on a bacon and egg diet with me… She’s just yolking around, I think.
  9. My doctor told me to eat all my meals sitting directly in front of a mirror. Turns out “facing your food” has nothing to do with confronting your fears.
  10. The toughest part of a fruit-only diet? Definitely the pear pressure.
  11. Went on a diet based entirely on mime food. I lost five pounds, but it was just an illusion.
  12. Tried to explain my new diet to my friend. He just gave me this blank stare. Guess he wasn’t wheat-interested.
  13. My doctor told me I needed to lose weight for my health. Well, I lost it. Where do I go to get a new one?
  14. Just made a salad entirely out of money. Definitely going to be rich in vitamins!

Diet Jokes and Puns for Kids

  1. Why did the cookie go on a diet? Because it felt crumby about itself!
  2. What does a nosey pepper do on a diet? It gets jalapeno everyone’s business!
  3. What do you call a lazy kangaroo on a diet? A pouch potato!
  4. My dad said I could add sprinkles to my salad if I ate all my vegetables. He must think I’m on a con-treat diet!
  5. How do bees stay healthy? They eat their honey-nutrients!
  6. What kind of tea helps you lose weight? Slimming-tea!
  7. Why did the tomato blush at the salad bar? Because it saw the salad dressing! (This is funny because tomatoes are part of a healthy diet!)
  8. What did the ocean say to the beach on a diet? “Nothing, it just waved!” (This is a play on ‘wave’ as in ocean waves, and ‘waive’ as in giving up on something, like a diet cheat day!)
  9. You know you’re on a healthy diet when… your snacks talk back to you! (Because they’re fruits and vegetables!)
  10. What do you call a cow that eats only grass? A moo-slims!
  11. Why don’t they trust atoms? Because they make up everything! (This is funny because we eat atoms in our food!)
  12. What did the doctor say to the overweight apple? “You’ve got to reduce your juice!”
  13. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite snack? Straw-berries!

Diet Jokes and Puns for Elders

  1. Doctor: “Your cholesterol is sky-high. What do you eat?” Me: “Mostly plants.” Doctor: “What kind? ” Me: “Potato plants, corn plants…”
  2. I saw a sign that said “Weight Watchers Meeting Tonight – Fruits and Vegetables Only”. I thought, “That’s weird, people usually bring chips.”
  3. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it out to a fancy restaurant. It’s on a strict no-fly diet now.
  4. Went on a seafood diet. Lost ten pounds and my car keys. Turns out I had crab mentality all along!
  5. My doctor told me to go on a low-carb diet. Now I miss my friends, Bread Pitt and Pasta La Vista.
  6. I just bought a thesaurus, but all the synonyms for “diet” are terrible. I guess you could say I’m absolutely starving for better options.
  7. My retirement plan is mostly based on wishful dieting.
  8. I tried to explain to my grandkids that “keto” is a diet, not a Greek god. They didn’t believe me. Apparently, they think I worship at the altar of bacon.
  9. Joined a gym today. They asked me what my fitness goals were. I told them, “To be able to lift one eyebrow while looking at the dessert menu.”
  10. My doctor said my new diet is “working wonders”… which would be more impressive if I actually stuck to it for longer than twenty minutes.
  11. At my age, “carb loading” just means having two slices of toast for breakfast. Living on the edge!
  12. My doctor told me to eat all my meals over a sink… apparently, he meant kitchen sink, not bathroom sink. It’s been a stressful week.
  13. Found an old “Atkins Diet” book in the attic. Turns out bacon never expires. Who knew?
  14. My idea of a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Keeps me even-keeled.
  15. You know you’re getting old when “Netflix and chill” involves herbal tea and lamenting the price of kale.
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Diet Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

  1. Just saw a sign that said “Diet Food Ahead.” I was so excited, I nearly went off track! 💨
  2. My bank account told me to go on a diet. Apparently, my spending habits are “un-finance-able.” 💸😭
  3. Why don’t they ever serve chocolate cake in prison? They want you to get your just desserts later. 🎂😈
  4. Tried to explain to my friend what a keto diet is… He just looked at me and said, “Keto? I barely know ‘er!” 🤦‍♂️😂
  5. My resolution was to go on a seafood diet. You know, I see food, and I eat it. 🦐🍕🍔
  6. I went on a water diet. So far, so good! But I’m starting to feel a bit soggy. 💧😓
  7. My workout buddy told me I have the willpower of a toddler. I mean, I did eat all his animal crackers… 🦁🍪
  8. Doctor: You need to eat more greens. Me: Are limes okay? Asking for a margarita. 🍹
  9. I tried the “military diet.” Apparently, you’re not supposed to salute your food. 🫡🌭
  10. I’m starting a new diet called the “Seinfeld Diet.” You know, no carbs, no sugar…it’s a show about nothing. Seinfeld, anyone? 🥯🚫
  11. Just found out donuts are not on the food pyramid. Guess I’m living in a food circle from now on. 🍩🔄
  12. I joined a gym today. Turns out, they don’t have a “pay per pound lost” option. Disappointed, but I guess I’ll take a free t-shirt. 💪👕
  13. How do trees manage to stay so fit and trim? They have a sap-erb diet! 🌳💪😂
  14. Tried to convince myself salad was just a deconstructed burrito bowl. It didn’t work. Still craving a burrito. 🥗🌯😩
  15. What did the ocean say to the iceberg lettuce on a diet? “Hey there, looking ice and slim today!” 🌊🥬😎

Diet Jokes: Lettuce Wrap This Up! 😜

We hope these diet jokes didn’t leave you feeling flat! If you’re hungry for more laughs, feel free to browse our website for a full course of puns and jokes. We promise it’s a guilt-free indulgence!

Rabia Noreen & Team

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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